Weyland Consortium just announced a new program that they claim will provide much needed relief for our beleaguered farmers. Many of our system's food-providers struggle to balance their precarious financial position against the need to maintain and update an ageing fleet of expensive equipment. Weyland promises to cut some of those costs to less than half while providing state-of-the-art systems and service. I had a chat interview with Weyland's media department AI.
NBNSusie:This sounds too good to be true. How can new, improved equipment be cheaper?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "The real savings of the Weyland Bountiful™ harvest system are in the equipment longevity. Weyland has worked hard to develop a harvesting system that will last three times longer. This reduces the Total Cost of Ownership. Normally, this would mean a higher initial cost that would prohibit the farmers who need the most help from benefiting, but we are solving this problem by offering a packaged lease and service agreement. The cost is about 40% of a typical loan payment for a new harvester, so the farmer wins. We know that the harvester will last and we will be able to get our value out of it even if the farm folds for some reason. We can self-finance the operation, so the cost is very low. And because we are the ones betting on the longevity of the equipment, it doesn't even require the customer to trust our claims of long life; that's all on us. They have a 100% guarantee that they will have a properly working harvester for the life of the lease, regardless. We're also offering generous trade-in value for old harvesters, which can potentially provide a short-term boost of cash or make the lease payment-free for an initial period."
NBNSusie: That sounds pretty good. I have questions about the guarantee. If a harvester completely fails and can't be fixed you'll provide a new one?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "That's right."
NBNSusie: What's the catch?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "There's no catch, but there are some limitations. All service is provided by certified Weyland technicians for free, so there is no need for farmers to work on their own equipment, but we do want to emphasize that breaking the tamper seal on any maintenance hatch will void the lease agreement and incur some other penalties."
NBNSusie: Penalties like what?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "There are some financial disincentives, but I guess someone might also bust a knuckle if a wrench slips! The point is that this is completely unnecessary now. Your Weyland Bountiful™ harvester will take care of your agriculture, and we will take care of your harvester."
NBNSusie: Anything other "limitations"?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "Weyland Bountiful™ isn't just a harvester, it's a marriage between harvester and crop. Our scientists found that a lot of the maintenance issues associated with farm equipment were related to the crops themselves - perhaps they were too acidic or didn't release enough lubricant when crushed. So the longevity of the system depends upon using the correct seed lines, specifically Weyland Bountiful™ seed lines, which lessees will be able to buy at a 15% discount from already competitive retail prices as part of their agreement."
NBNSusie: What if someone uses the harvester with another crop?
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "Well technically that would also void the agreement and incur penalties, but we have included a smart system to prevent farmers from accidentally damaging their harvesters and voiding their lease agreements. These substandard plants will lack an embedded Weyland Bountiful™ ID system, and the harvester will detect that and refuse to proceed into what would be a lot of trouble for the farmer. So really the system is worry free."
NBNSusie: Well, that all sounds great. Thank you for your time!
Weyland Media Service Desk™: "I'm a multi-tasking chat AI conducting tens of thousands of conversations simultaneously, so it's literally almost no trouble at all, Susie. Thank you!"
- Susan Ramirez
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